ARE YOU BEING PRESSURED TO HAVE SEX?

Pattie and Denise decided to go to a party one night. Pattie didn't know anyone there, but she knew that this was the perfect opportunity to make new friends. It was a nice party! The music was good and just about everyone was dancing.  Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a guy looking at her, He walked over and introduces himself. "Hi," my name is Jason! They talked for a while and Jason finally got up the nerve to ask Pattie to dance. After the party, they exchange phone numbers and promise to keep in touch.

They had been dating for about a month when Jason asked Pattie to have sex with him. Pattie told him "No". He said everything he could think of to change her mind. You know I love you, “Your the only girl for me," and " I want you to have my baby”. Once Pattie decided to have sex with him Jason refused to wear a condom. He kept telling Pattie that it was ok I don't have any diseases so you are safe!!! Still a little reluctant, she had sex with him without a condom. Pattie became sick since Pattie was nineteen years old, she didn’t need her parents to help make an appointment to see her Doctor. The Doctor asks Pattie a lot of questions about her life, and about her symptoms. So, he ran a series of test to determine what was wrong with her. Well, the Doctor gave Pattie some sobering news. Pattie, you have contracted an STD. The one you have is called Gonorrhea! So, the Doctor ran even more extensive test on Pattie to determine the extent of the damage, since Pattie told him that she had sex a year ago. Sadly, the Doctor came back with the new that would shock any woman. At the age of only nineteen years old, Pattie found out that she will never be able to have children.

Pattie’s story is just a reminder of why it's so important to wait to have sex! Not waiting can cause a series of problems like STD’s and unplanned pregnancy. Let’s consider some facts, In the U.S. alone more than 20,000 women a year face infertility problems (unable to have a baby) just because they didn’t know that they had an STD. Men know that they have (STD symptoms) much earlier before women do. Condoms can be effective in preventing unwanted pregnancy, and the spread of more serious STD’s out there like HIV and AIDS. All Condoms do NOT work, please check with your doctor to find out the best Condoms to use. Having an unplanned pregnancy can also be a result of not waiting to have sex. Some teen mothers will never finish high or get their GED, some will never marry.  Infants of teen mothers have more health problems most end-up with weight problems later in life which can lead to health problems. Abstinence/Abstaining (no sex at all) is the only way to be sure that you will not have an unwanted pregnancy or get an STD. It’s Ok to wait to have sex!!! Most wish that they had waited until they became adults. If someone is pressing you to have sex tell your parents, guardian, school counselor, or another adult. Look at Intelligent One article on Condoms, (ARE THEY SAFE). For more information on STD’s Checkout these online sites, WebMD, 

GirlsHealth.gov, Medical Daily, and Advocates for Youth.

Symptoms for women and men please go to... http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/tc/gonorrhea-symptoms

Halie Loren Speaks on Peer Pressure

Halie Loren, born in Seattle, Washington and moving to Alaska with family soon thereafter, Halie Loren developed a love of and appreciation for music by the time she could talk. She began her musical career at age 10 performing jazz at a fine arts camp located on an island in Southeast Alaska. In part, Loren attributes her ability to cross and mix genres into a cohesive sound to having grown up on that island, somewhat isolated from the rest of the world, where much of her diverse music exposure was garnered through listening to everything the one radio station available (public radio) had to offer and her parent’s vast eclectic music selections. Says Loren, ‘Since I didn’t know what was supposed to be ‘popular’ music at the time, I didn’t establish any musical boundaries. I know now how important a role this played as I was absorbing everything musical I could find.”

A Conversation About Suicide by Jerry Brouwers, Ph.D.

Do you feel feel angry, unloved, unwanted, hurt, hopeless, crazy, suicidal? What about stressed, frustrated, pissed off, or just generally a problem to everyone and everything? Welcome to the down side of life. Everyone gets to visit this place but (thankfully) no one has to live here. It may feel like you’ve moved in, unpacked, and thrown away the key to happiness, but you won’t be in this place with these thoughts and these feelings and these problems for the rest of your life.... unless you commit suicide. In which case, it will have been for the rest of your short and unhappy life. With suicide, you’ve cheated yourself (and everyone else in your life) of any chance to find a better place.Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Sure, easy for you to say, but my problems are different. Well, yes, but not really. We like to think of ourselves as unique and we all are in some ways.But the things that we share as humans are way more common than the things that divide us. Other people have felt the way you do and have found ways to feel different. Being suicidal is like staring at the sun. All you can see are your problems, nothing else. Even looking away doesn’t help, because you are blinded to anything else, at least for a while. But only for a while because our vision clears up and we can see a lot more of the world around us. And some of what we see looks normal or even pretty good and certainly hurts a lot less than staring at the sun.

It’s a secret. You’ve promised yourself not to talk about suicidal thoughts or you’ve gotten friends to promise not to tell anyone.Pretending these thoughts don’t exist only makes them worse.The strongest thing that people can do is talk about their weakness. This is reverse backwards, but if you think about it the reverse is also true;people who are always pumping themselves up are people we see as weak.The best way to reduce suicidal thoughts is to talk about them freely with a trusted adult.It’s not fair to your friends to make them keep life and death secrets. They will feel responsible for the rest of their lives.

Nobody could understand.People can’t see what’s inside unless you tell them.Likewise, you can’t see how people look at you unless you let them in.How we understand ourselves is always limited by the good and the bad things that have happened to us.It’s what makes us who we are.Being suicidal is feeling that the future will always be the same as the present.Life hurts now and we can’t predict the future.But I can guarantee that the future will be different than the present.

People would be better off without me.Not likely.Suicide is a uniquely aggressive way to die.Aggressive because it always involves a lot of anger against yourself and against anyone who cares about you.Anger is a primary, direct emotion that comes from loss, disappointment, hurt, or frustration.Anger turned into suicide is permanent for you and for those who care about you.Living means you have a chance to have/be something different.

What can I do? It’s hopeless. Talk to someone; a parent, a teacher, your bestfriend’s parent, a counselor, a relative, anyone.The truth is you won’t feel this way forever. You won’t be a teenager forever.You won’t have these problems forever.If your friends are suicidal, talk to an adult, even if you promised not to.Life is full of broken promises and this is one worth breaking.I promise.

Dr. Brouwers is a licensed psychologist who practices in Honolulu, HI.  He has listened to adolescents for the past 25 years in hospitals, schools, day treatment programs, and clinics.